Lust by Hildred Billings

Author:Hildred Billings [Billings, Hildred]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Tags: Lesbian Romance
Publisher: Barachou Press
Published: 2020-06-23T23:00:00+00:00

4

The loneliness of her house was what she required most. Usually, Mercy considered the silence deafening, as every sign of her ex-girlfriend had long departed with her clothes, CDs, and the flat screen TV in the living room. Yet that night, as Mercy shrugged out of her jacket and collapsed into bed, she was grateful to pretend the past two days had never happened.

In truth, she did regret what happened on the bridge the night before. She often regretted those stupid moves, like the time she joined a group of streakers during university finals. Or the time she streaked down Main Street and was subsequently arrested for indecent exposure. At least Mercy didn’t try to jump off the bridge naked. She would never live that down in the afterlife.

Thinking of the possibility of an afterlife reminded her of Acedia. Groaning, Mercy rolled into her pillow and fell asleep.

She didn’t dream, thank God. At this point, if Mercy were doomed to dream, she might imagine a life when Marissa was back. When she dared to hope her job would be more rewarding, or at least not so soul-crushing. Back when she fantasized about this comfortable house being filled with the sing-song voice of a domestic artist and the children they would adopt. Puppies. Kittens. Maybe a lizard and a bird, because Mercy would have a son or daughter who demanded the unconventional type of pet. Well, she had the house. The house came before Marissa, who had never been added to the deed, thank God. But Mercy had been too ambitious. Maybe she had too much hope.

Damn. She was having a nightmare anyway. One where she dueled with her subconscious, the toxic bitch.

Why couldn’t she dream about something else? It had been a long while since she had a good “peeing in public” nightmare. The one where she spent the better part of a night hunting down a toilet before her bladder gave out on her. Only, when she finally found the sweet porcelain throne she had been searching for, the curtain was pulled back and she was suddenly in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Yeah. Why couldn't she have one of those dreams? Anything was better than thinking about how her life had completely collapsed in the matter of three short years.

She couldn’t simply accept that Marissa had left her. To think! A narcissist had left her! Now, Mercy was far from a know-it-all about the big N, but she was under the mistaken impression that once a narcissist sank their claws into somebody, they were almost impossible to shake off without wart remover. It was the main reason she put up with the verbal and occasional physical flare-ups that had become nastier as the months wore on in their relationship. At least, Mercy had rationalized, she wasn’t alone. She might die with an abusive piece of shit in her bed, but her broken brain told her it was better than being alone. Anything was better than that.

Yet, she was alone.

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